“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15 NIV).





Free to Be the Me God Wants: Part X
Transcending Grief through Glimpses of Grace

“I don’t understand it,” I told my friend. “When Dad passed away, I mourned but not for a long time. Why is it so hard to get over my mother’s death?”

Like many people, I thought grief could be measured like days, weeks, and months. I wanted to take a pill and get over the uncomfortable feelings. But in reality, grief is not something we get over. Loss is permanent. But we can get through the pain of change and emerge stronger in our faith. The International Bible Society’s treatise of grief states, “And yet, according to Scripture, grief is not entirely negative. It gives us a heart of wisdom—it deposits a spiritual and emotional understanding that is not found on the outskirts of human existence, but at the very center of what it really means to be alive.”

Any loss can cause grief, including: loss of personal relationship, loss of physical health, loss of income, loss of financial security, or the loss of freedom. Seemingly less significant issues may cause us to mourn such as: moving away from home, changing jobs, selling the family home, or retirement.

Grief hurts. The body may go through a host of physical reactions such as fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia. Initially, one may feel shock or disbelief then profound sadness. Some experience intense guilt over words said or not said, actions taken or not taken, and feelings felt or not felt. Significant loss may trigger intense fear. Some are angry and direct that anger toward God. One mourner confessed, “I shook a fist at God for five years.”

Psychology experts suggest many ways to cope with grief; chiefly: laughter, rest, relaxation, support groups or counseling, and acknowledgment of the hurt we feel. GriefNet.org and Compassionate Friends have on-line support groups. Hospice also offers bereavement services. But, for the believer, having an honest dialogue with God is the first step toward healing and comfort. Doubt is not evidence of a lack of faith unless we allow our doubt to keep us from the One who has the answers. As the song says, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.”

Many scriptures remind the believer that loss is a common human experience. Jesus understands our loss, because He himself experienced loss. Though divine, he became flesh and willingly surrendered to associated indignities of the flesh. His obedience led to His death on the cross. (Philippians 2:6)

Isaiah 53 shows us how the Messiah would die to alleviate our grief. Other scriptures tell us that Christ binds up our wounds. The Hebrew words translated as “bind up” means to wrap around. Christ wraps His Grace around us to help us transcend to a place of peace. Our Lord understands our pain. He is the Someone who passed through grief’s door and came out the other side. Though we may never know the why, we know the Who.

Humor With a Practical Punch

SQUEEZING GOOD OUT OF BAD


By James N. Watkins

Published by: Xaris Com

© 2009 by James N. Watkins

Humor With a Practical Punch



Jim Watkins’ ten most valuable lessons in dealing with life’s lemons:

10. Don’t confuse them with hand grenades (Identify the problem).

9. Check the delivery slip (Determine if it’s your problem).

8. Sell them on eBay (Profit from the problem).

7. Paint smiley faces on them (Laugh at the problem).

6. Join a citrus support group (Share your problem).

5. Use as an all-natural, organic astringent (Grow from the problem).

4. Don’t shoot the delivery driver (Forgive the problem-maker).

3. Graft to a lime tree for a refreshing, low-calorie soft drink (Take the problem to a higher level).

2. Grow your own orchard (Live a fruitful life despite—or because of—the problem).

1. Give off a refreshing fragrance (Live a lemon-fresh life).



Jim Watkins’, Squeezing Good Out of Bad is written by one who has been through the juice mill once or twice himself. While the book is authoritative, as one who has experienced the pain of the squeeze, the book is also humorous—exemplifying one of Jim’s top ten treatments when life gives you lemons—paint smiley faces on them (chapter seven).



Squeezing Good out of Bad is not only authoritative and humorous but practical, providing information and education on such items as how and where to seek help when the squeeze has completely zapped your ability to cope. A must read for anyone who has problems. That pretty much includes everyone.



Available at http://www.jameswatkins.com/xariscom.htm

For kindle edition: http://www.amazon.com/Squeezing-Good-Out-Bad-ebook/dp/B0027IQHU0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260322190&sr=1-2-spell

Apathetic? Get Enthused

Part VIII: Diffuse Apathy with Enthusiasm

In the movie, Schindler’s List, Schindler wonders how the prisoner disposing of dead bodies can smile through his tears. “I smile,” he says, “because I am grateful I can still cry.”

War and destruction are not the only influences that cause a heart to become apathetic. Apathy is defined as a state of indifference, an inability to become ruffled or roused to active interest or exertion by pleasure, pain, or passion. Spiritual apathy is a slowing down of vigor and passion for the things of God.

While Solomon’s early life is filled with remarkable accomplishment, we see the tragic results of apathy in his golden years. His numerous marriages for political gain not only led to idol worship but Solomon’s active participation. While Solomon never truly stopped believing in God, his passion grew cold.
Apathy is sometimes caused by physical fatigue. Rest and physical exercise can help invigorate us in those cases. Sometimes our apathetic state is the result of corporate disinterest. We tend to be like the people with whom we spend the most time. .

Most often the root cause for our apathy is spiritual dryness. When we fail to stay hydrated, our bodies die. Likewise, if we fail to keep our spiritual needs fed, we will suffer an atrophy of the heart.
Is there hope then? Are we doomed to languish like Solomon? Some theologians and teachers, like Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat, believe enthusiasm counterbalances apathy and boredom, two common blocks to an engaged spiritual life. Apathy and enthusiasm cannot occupy the same mind.

The word enthusiasm is derived from the roots, en (meaning within) and theos (God). It means having God within or being one with God. People infused with God carry a special kind of energy. They bring warmth and feeling to their relationships and vigor to their activities. If we have lost energy, we can dispel our apathy by surrounding ourselves with people who are energetic. We can throw ourselves into new projects that will jump start our stalled hearts. Some suggest cranking up the radio and singing our hearts out to the Lord. God won’t care if we lack perfect pitch.

The cure for apathy is first to recognize it. We can only realize our true state as we sit by the waters of God’s grace. If we stop and listen and bend an ear toward Him, He will come to where we are and pull us the rest of the way. “I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart” (Jeremiah 24:7 NIV).

Want: The Path to Discovery

Free to Be the Me God Wants
Part VII: Want leads to Discovery


Of the many special programs heralding the life of President Obama, one particular moment struck me as perhaps the most defining--the feeling of abandonment by his biological father. The loss shaped Barack’s perceptions, haunting and tearing at his heart, until he confronted the deprivation. Finally, after journeying to Kenya and examining his father’s life, Barack was able to put his heritage into perspective.

His want was no longer a numbing trek of longing, but the impetus bringing him to a destiny God prepared for him. Now he was able to give, in some ways become the son his father hoped he would be.

Limited by time, finances, and opportunities, Selena feared she would not find what she wanted. She asked for God’s help. The store clerk brought five gowns to look at. She tried the first one on. Everything she ever thought she wanted in a wedding dress, and it fit perfectly, not a single alteration required. She gave credit to God who heard a bride’s fanciful request, a God who prepared for the desire of her heart even before she knew she had a need.

Like beauty and power, we tend to see our lack rather than our abundance. With our vision askew, we fail to recognize that God’s intervention transcends our physical appearance as well as our possessions. He knows what we need even before we realize our inadequacy and has already made arrangements to supply in ways and means we could never imagine.

Sometimes God puts want in our lives to propel us toward fulfillment. Like hunger, if we do not want, we do not seek supply. Deprivation is not the lack but the misalignment of what we perceive as lacking with God’s perfect will for our lives.

Sometimes our perceived want is the result of unrealistic expectations. How do we expect to become a brain surgeon if we can’t even tie a shoe? True God can and sometimes does reshape us for impossible tasks. However, sometimes we simply need to ask God if our wants are in alignment with His design.

Sometimes our want is a result of envy. We want the same gifts he lavishes upon others. Why does she get to have the Lincoln Town Car when I have to drive a five-year old Focus? We stand with our assortment of desserts begging God for the green lollipop, too. We forget that He gives to everyone according to His great abundance.

Barack Obama’s want led him to greatness. We can choose to let our wants trap us in dissatisfaction, or we can turn our wants over to The Great Supplier, who will chisel and shape our wants to align with His plan. Then we may realize the gift Paul prayed for every believer:

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:17b-19 NIV).

A Hunger that Leads to Filling

Free to Be the Me God Wants
Part VI: Hunger

Got the munchies the other night. I opened the refrigerator and poked at the leftovers. I started to grab an orange from the bottom shelf, then decided I needed something hot. Soup would be nice. Nope. That would dirty dishes. So I settled for two slices of bread and butter.
Sometimes, I have specific cravings. Like the author, I scream, Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt. And if I try to substitute something besides what I crave, I end up devouring half the cupboard’s contents and still feel wanting.

Cravings are a kind of hunger.

Hunger is defined as an uncomfortable feeling associated with prolonged deprivation. When we need nutrition, the body reacts. Some will raid the kitchen while others will go out to the hen house and hatchet a solution. How we satiate will depend upon our resources, culture, and degree of perceived deprivation.

People can hunger out of boredom or even habit.

Hunger generally promotes action. The greater the hunger, the more intense the desire to satiate. But first, we must recognize that we are hungry. Sometimes we are so filled with non nutrients the brain fails to hear the body’s cry for sustenance.

Perhaps this acceptance of mediocrity, the lack of desire for something better, spills into our spiritual lives as well. We starve spiritually because we don’t hunger for the things of God.
Physical starvation occurs when the body experiences a total lack of necessary nutrients. Amazingly, starvation can still occur though a person consumes a lot of food. If the body does not receive sufficient vitamins and minerals to sustain itself, life ceases. Nutritional deprivation causes fatigue and apathy over time. The starving person becomes disinterested in his surroundings.

Could it be that the same is true of spiritual starvation? Do we stuff ourselves with pleasure and selfish pursuits and leave no room for the meat of God’s Grace? Have we fooled ourselves into thinking we are satisfied and drifted into apathy because we are spiritually malnourished? Have we become content with our discontent? If we don’t feel the pangs, how then will we ever seek the remedy?

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled”

(Matthew 5:6).

Free to Be the Me God Wants Me to Be

PART V: Guilt

Two men were on trial for armed robbery. As the eyewitness took the stand, the prosecutor moved about the courtroom.
“So you say you were at the scene when the robbery took place,” asked the prosecutor.
“Yes,” said the eyewitness.
“And you saw a vehicle leave?”
“Yes.”
“Did you see the occupants?”
“Yes. Two men.”
“And are they in the courtroom now?”
Just then, the two men raised their hands, ending all doubt as to their guilt.

In our feel-good society, we strive to ignore feelings that we have done something wrong. We tend to blame others or use the excuse our poor behavior was a compulsion, something over which we had no control. We dislike guilt because guilt incriminates. Like the famous Edgar Allan Poe story, our own beating heart condemns us.

Guilt is a basic human experience. According to some psychologists, the expression of guilt will vary from person to person. In some cases, guilt will lead to improved behavior. While in others, guilt eats away at the soul, and the smitten can find no peace.

Sometimes we own guilt that we do not deserve. Like Robert Barone, in the television series, Everybody Loves Raymond, we walk into a room armed with a predisposition that we will garner disapproval.

Guilt causes us to automatically brake whenever we encounter a police car, even if we are not purposefully speeding—a Pavlovian reaction to the mere presence of a higher authority. We fear recrimination and are reminded that, after all, we are creatures answerable to the power of the law.

Like fear and anger, guilt can be a useful emotion when tempered by a right relationship with God. For guilt that comes from conviction, that loving slap to our souls sent by the Holy Spirit, is the means by which God woes us. Without a realization of our need, we would not seek forgiveness. With forgiveness comes release.

For those of faith, there is a remedy for guilt. For once we have acknowledged our sinful state, God has promised forgiveness. He doesn't leave us to wallow in our failures, real or imagined.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23 – 24).

Why then, do we insist on carrying our guilt like bricks around our necks? By ignoring God's provision, our continued guilt keeps us hostage. His forgiveness is complete and eternal: “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”(Romans 8:1a). This Thanksgiving season, let us claim God’s provision of forgiveness, and leave our guilt where God himself has placed it. “…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).

When Someone You Love Has Cancer

“I felt helpless,”

Cec Murphy writes in his introduction to his book, When Someone You Love Has Cancer, compiled because he has experienced the uncertainty that the diagnosis brings. When his wife received the news, he could do little. “I felt powerless and empty. I did for her the only thing I could—and I did it for me as well—prayed.”

The book not only contains anecdotes of personal experiences from family and friends of the suffering, put also contains practical advice to equip those who love cancer patients to be more in tune with things they can do and things they should avoid doing.

NY Times bestselling author and international speaker Cecil (Cec) Murphey—The Man Behind the Words—is the author of 112 published books, including the bestseller 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper). His books have sold millions and have been translated into more than 30 languages. His newest book, When Someone You Love Has Cancer, will release January 1, 2009. Cecil has also written hundreds of articles that have appeared in a variety of publications. He stays busy as a professional writer and travels extensively to speak on many topics such as Christian living, spiritual growth, prayer, caregiving, significant living, male sexual abuse, and writing.

Beautifully illustrated by Michael Sparks, the book is designed for easy reading, divided into ten meditations from various viewpoints, relatives, spouses, and friends.

Contest
Leave a memorial post or an honorarium comment at the bottom of this blog remembering someone you know who has died from or is living with cancer and be placed in a drawing for a free copy of Cec’s wonderful book.