Want: The Path to Discovery

Free to Be the Me God Wants
Part VII: Want leads to Discovery


Of the many special programs heralding the life of President Obama, one particular moment struck me as perhaps the most defining--the feeling of abandonment by his biological father. The loss shaped Barack’s perceptions, haunting and tearing at his heart, until he confronted the deprivation. Finally, after journeying to Kenya and examining his father’s life, Barack was able to put his heritage into perspective.

His want was no longer a numbing trek of longing, but the impetus bringing him to a destiny God prepared for him. Now he was able to give, in some ways become the son his father hoped he would be.

Limited by time, finances, and opportunities, Selena feared she would not find what she wanted. She asked for God’s help. The store clerk brought five gowns to look at. She tried the first one on. Everything she ever thought she wanted in a wedding dress, and it fit perfectly, not a single alteration required. She gave credit to God who heard a bride’s fanciful request, a God who prepared for the desire of her heart even before she knew she had a need.

Like beauty and power, we tend to see our lack rather than our abundance. With our vision askew, we fail to recognize that God’s intervention transcends our physical appearance as well as our possessions. He knows what we need even before we realize our inadequacy and has already made arrangements to supply in ways and means we could never imagine.

Sometimes God puts want in our lives to propel us toward fulfillment. Like hunger, if we do not want, we do not seek supply. Deprivation is not the lack but the misalignment of what we perceive as lacking with God’s perfect will for our lives.

Sometimes our perceived want is the result of unrealistic expectations. How do we expect to become a brain surgeon if we can’t even tie a shoe? True God can and sometimes does reshape us for impossible tasks. However, sometimes we simply need to ask God if our wants are in alignment with His design.

Sometimes our want is a result of envy. We want the same gifts he lavishes upon others. Why does she get to have the Lincoln Town Car when I have to drive a five-year old Focus? We stand with our assortment of desserts begging God for the green lollipop, too. We forget that He gives to everyone according to His great abundance.

Barack Obama’s want led him to greatness. We can choose to let our wants trap us in dissatisfaction, or we can turn our wants over to The Great Supplier, who will chisel and shape our wants to align with His plan. Then we may realize the gift Paul prayed for every believer:

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:17b-19 NIV).

A Hunger that Leads to Filling

Free to Be the Me God Wants
Part VI: Hunger

Got the munchies the other night. I opened the refrigerator and poked at the leftovers. I started to grab an orange from the bottom shelf, then decided I needed something hot. Soup would be nice. Nope. That would dirty dishes. So I settled for two slices of bread and butter.
Sometimes, I have specific cravings. Like the author, I scream, Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt. And if I try to substitute something besides what I crave, I end up devouring half the cupboard’s contents and still feel wanting.

Cravings are a kind of hunger.

Hunger is defined as an uncomfortable feeling associated with prolonged deprivation. When we need nutrition, the body reacts. Some will raid the kitchen while others will go out to the hen house and hatchet a solution. How we satiate will depend upon our resources, culture, and degree of perceived deprivation.

People can hunger out of boredom or even habit.

Hunger generally promotes action. The greater the hunger, the more intense the desire to satiate. But first, we must recognize that we are hungry. Sometimes we are so filled with non nutrients the brain fails to hear the body’s cry for sustenance.

Perhaps this acceptance of mediocrity, the lack of desire for something better, spills into our spiritual lives as well. We starve spiritually because we don’t hunger for the things of God.
Physical starvation occurs when the body experiences a total lack of necessary nutrients. Amazingly, starvation can still occur though a person consumes a lot of food. If the body does not receive sufficient vitamins and minerals to sustain itself, life ceases. Nutritional deprivation causes fatigue and apathy over time. The starving person becomes disinterested in his surroundings.

Could it be that the same is true of spiritual starvation? Do we stuff ourselves with pleasure and selfish pursuits and leave no room for the meat of God’s Grace? Have we fooled ourselves into thinking we are satisfied and drifted into apathy because we are spiritually malnourished? Have we become content with our discontent? If we don’t feel the pangs, how then will we ever seek the remedy?

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled”

(Matthew 5:6).

Free to Be the Me God Wants Me to Be

PART V: Guilt

Two men were on trial for armed robbery. As the eyewitness took the stand, the prosecutor moved about the courtroom.
“So you say you were at the scene when the robbery took place,” asked the prosecutor.
“Yes,” said the eyewitness.
“And you saw a vehicle leave?”
“Yes.”
“Did you see the occupants?”
“Yes. Two men.”
“And are they in the courtroom now?”
Just then, the two men raised their hands, ending all doubt as to their guilt.

In our feel-good society, we strive to ignore feelings that we have done something wrong. We tend to blame others or use the excuse our poor behavior was a compulsion, something over which we had no control. We dislike guilt because guilt incriminates. Like the famous Edgar Allan Poe story, our own beating heart condemns us.

Guilt is a basic human experience. According to some psychologists, the expression of guilt will vary from person to person. In some cases, guilt will lead to improved behavior. While in others, guilt eats away at the soul, and the smitten can find no peace.

Sometimes we own guilt that we do not deserve. Like Robert Barone, in the television series, Everybody Loves Raymond, we walk into a room armed with a predisposition that we will garner disapproval.

Guilt causes us to automatically brake whenever we encounter a police car, even if we are not purposefully speeding—a Pavlovian reaction to the mere presence of a higher authority. We fear recrimination and are reminded that, after all, we are creatures answerable to the power of the law.

Like fear and anger, guilt can be a useful emotion when tempered by a right relationship with God. For guilt that comes from conviction, that loving slap to our souls sent by the Holy Spirit, is the means by which God woes us. Without a realization of our need, we would not seek forgiveness. With forgiveness comes release.

For those of faith, there is a remedy for guilt. For once we have acknowledged our sinful state, God has promised forgiveness. He doesn't leave us to wallow in our failures, real or imagined.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23 – 24).

Why then, do we insist on carrying our guilt like bricks around our necks? By ignoring God's provision, our continued guilt keeps us hostage. His forgiveness is complete and eternal: “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”(Romans 8:1a). This Thanksgiving season, let us claim God’s provision of forgiveness, and leave our guilt where God himself has placed it. “…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).

When Someone You Love Has Cancer

“I felt helpless,”

Cec Murphy writes in his introduction to his book, When Someone You Love Has Cancer, compiled because he has experienced the uncertainty that the diagnosis brings. When his wife received the news, he could do little. “I felt powerless and empty. I did for her the only thing I could—and I did it for me as well—prayed.”

The book not only contains anecdotes of personal experiences from family and friends of the suffering, put also contains practical advice to equip those who love cancer patients to be more in tune with things they can do and things they should avoid doing.

NY Times bestselling author and international speaker Cecil (Cec) Murphey—The Man Behind the Words—is the author of 112 published books, including the bestseller 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper). His books have sold millions and have been translated into more than 30 languages. His newest book, When Someone You Love Has Cancer, will release January 1, 2009. Cecil has also written hundreds of articles that have appeared in a variety of publications. He stays busy as a professional writer and travels extensively to speak on many topics such as Christian living, spiritual growth, prayer, caregiving, significant living, male sexual abuse, and writing.

Beautifully illustrated by Michael Sparks, the book is designed for easy reading, divided into ten meditations from various viewpoints, relatives, spouses, and friends.

Contest
Leave a memorial post or an honorarium comment at the bottom of this blog remembering someone you know who has died from or is living with cancer and be placed in a drawing for a free copy of Cec’s wonderful book.

Free to Be the Me God Wants
Part IV Anger Can Lead to Positive Change


In all innocence, John picked the offensive goop off the floor. “Oh, it’s a squashed Cherrio,” he said. Like a two-by-four from nowhere, the torrent of accusations unleashed. For the next five minutes, his beautiful bride railed about John’s insensitivity. She had worked hard all day, cooking and cleaning, running the children here and there, meeting the project deadline at her job. Then he comes home and the first words out of his mouth were perceived as condemnation. Hubby bristles at the attack. And so the stage is set for five hours of ping-ponging blame. And all because of a wayward Cherrio.

Anger can be an insidious emotion. One that lies buried, simmering and waiting for that explosive trigger to send it spewing unchecked like exploding lava. We read the headlines of unspeakable acts perpetrated as a result of unbridled anger. The escalation of violence in our colleges and schools, restaurants and malls and our highways and city streets. “Why has the world become so angry?” we ask.

Unrighteous anger, anger that leads to distress, stems from many sources. Poverty, injustice, jealousy, and inequality among the most common triggers. But if we go deeper, we see the fuse is not necessarily the external factor, but the inward rationale. A sense that hostility toward another is justified because wrong had first been done to us. A false sense that we somehow deserve better than we received.

Perhaps that unholy, selfish view associated with anger is the reason Christians deny its existence. I used to think that the Christian had no business being angry. And so I pushed my rage inward with unhealthy consequences. One day, I realized that anger is an attribute of God. And, we who are made in God’s image, are designed with His attributes. The problem is not the emotion, part of human equation, but our unholy reaction to our anger—the poor choices anger elicits because our hearts are far from God.

Just as we physically react to fear, our bodies go through physiological changes when we are angry. The red corpuscles fill up giving us that red glow. Increased adrenaline gives some people superhuman strength. And like fear, continued unresolved anger is the cause of diseases such as high-blood pressure and gastrointestinal disorders.
Psychologists recommend a process called reframing when we feel ourselves becoming angry. Not to deny the anger, but to understand the anger and redirect it toward positive resolution. If we are angry over a social injustice, we could join a proactive group to affect positive change. If a friend has hurt our feelings, we can let the friend know, affirming how much that friendship is valued.

Festered resentment is certain to give rise to hostility sooner or later. Psychologists also recommend what God has favored from the beginning of time: to forgive and forget. Forgiving lowers blood pressure and eases tension, producing a feeling of good will and relaxation. Perhaps the best advice in handling anger is from the Great Physician:

“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent” (Psalm 4:4 NIV).

Free to Be the Me God Wants Part III

Courage is Not the Absence of Fear

I have always been afraid of bridges.

More than a few years ago, in pre-Internet days when airline tickets were bought from travel agents, I had to pick up our boarding passes in Ottawa, requiring I cross the Ogdensburg-Prescott Bridge. My heart raced before I even got into the car. Remembering that perfect love casts out fear, I met the challenge with God’s help. I couldn’t let my recently widowed mother-in-law spend Christmas alone. With all the determination of a Ruth, I sang Jesus Savior Pilot Me, took shallow breaths over the water, and shouted a hearty Hallelujah when the car rolled past the last span.

Psychologists say that fear produces the “fight or flight” autonomic response. Respiration increases causing an auditory gasp. Blood vessels constrict, and we hear our hearts pound. We either engage the obstacle or run from it. Staying put only intensifies our physiological reaction.
A wise man penned, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the action we take in spite of being afraid.” Courage is when the adrenaline of purpose oils down paralyzing dread and slides us through the ordeal.

The source of fear is often external, forcing us to decide between two undesirable choices. Like the children of Israel, the soldiers advance from the rear and the Red Sea looms ahead. However, fear can also be internal, those demons of our past that make our present so terrifying.

Sometimes circumstances that create a sense of fear are because of our poor choices, like the college student who sweats his mid-term because he failed to study.

Sometimes experienced trauma makes us cautious when like circumstances arise. Caution is not necessarily a negative emotion. As the adage says, “Discretion is the better part of valor.” Yellow lights exist for a reason. Gauging the waters temperatures before we take the plunge can prevent hypothermia. However, there comes a point when we drown in our caution, too fearful to take that first stroke toward victory.

Sometimes, our fear stems from our feelings of insufficiency. We tend to see our lack rather than our abundance and consequently feel trapped in our perceived need. Much like the widow who sought Elisha’s help (2 Kings: 4). She feared losing her sons to slavery, a fate far worse than starvation. In spite of her fear, she opted to trust the man of God and did as he told her and placed her empty vases before her only measure of hope. God multiplied her current resources until the creditors’ demands were met and she lived on what remained.

For the believer, raging streams of fear are eased, not as much by opening the dam, but from the simple reassurance of God’s presence. He not only stands on our right side, but He is on our left. Like a cloud, he surrounds us, above and below, with His mercy and goodness. He calls us to confidence in His perfect love that casts out fear.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV).

The Bridge of Loneliness

Breaking Free
Part II
Loneliness



When Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, the contents of his pockets were stored in a box and later opened during a much talked about PBS broadcast. One resource them as follows: an embroidered handkerchief, a country boy’s pen knife, a spectacles case, a purse containing Confederate currency, and old newspaper clippings. Oddly, the clippings contained accolades regarding the President’s good deeds, heralding him as “one of the greatest men of all times.” Why would a man noted for his humility carry words of self-adulation? Although the reporter’s praises have proven to be true, at the time, Lincoln suffered from personal isolation and self doubt as a result of harsh and brutal criticism.

Loneliness is defined as “an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation.” All of us are vulnerable, from the youngest to the oldest, from the richest to the poorest, from the most privileged to the most destitute. Loneliness knows no social classification. Even Christ felt the pang of loneliness on the cross when he cried, “My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company. Indeed, many report feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd. Alarmingly, loneliness is one of the key challenges facing college students. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people.

Recent studies have classified loneliness as the cause of many illnesses, certainly an enhancer of heart disease including high blood pressure. Weight gain, sleeplessness, and premature aging are only some of the resulting physical impacts of prolonged loneliness. People who are lonely are also vulnerable to depression with accompanying feelings of uselessness and hopelessness.

Just as loneliness is manifested in physical and mental illness, that sense of disconnectedness is at the core of our spiritual deprivation. Sin cuts us off from the love God wants to lavish on us.

But even the most devout of believers experiences feelings of isolation. Troubles found in the hailstorms of life can obliterate our usual bridges. We find ourselves in an emotional, physical, social and sometimes spiritual wasteland.

Dog Hammershold, Swedish Statesman (1905-1961) once remarked, “Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.”

Loneliness, like many of life’s discomforting experiences, can provide opportunity. Anna, widowed after only seven years of marriage, found herself cut off from the life she expected. During her long widowhood, she never left the temple, but found purpose in prayer. And because of this passion in her life, at the age of 84, she was present when Simeon officiated over Christ’s circumcision. And she, along with Simeon, prophesied to “all who looked forward to the redemption of Jerusalem” (Luke 2:38).

To be human is to be lonely. Pearl S. Buck stated, “Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.” Anna, in her loneliness, drew closer to God. In turn, generations have been blessed by her story. Loneliness is sometimes viewed as a wall, a barrier to success or fulfillment. But with God’s enlightenment, that wall falls down and becomes a bridge to untold blessings.

“I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8 NIV).